Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
