the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
