just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
