There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
