Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
