Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
PANTIES FOUND
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