i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
