I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
