Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
