it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
