she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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