its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
