So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
