She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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