Are we in a gay sports bar?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
