I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I intend to get homeless drunk
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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