Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
