So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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