drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
