No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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