We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
