i barfeds in our rink
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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