remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
