Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
