she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
