Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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