i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
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