We're like a lot better than the average bears
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Randomize
