Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
