textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I checked into jail on foursquare
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Cover your peen. We're going out.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
