oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
There r osticjed everywhere
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
