Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
