God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You need Xanax blowdarts
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
