when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
