I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
