dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Randomize
