This is not my ceiling
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
