she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Sorry my hands just texted you
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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