I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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