Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
