I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
