he wants to bone in the snuggie
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Randomize
