meet me or not, i'm out of control
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
