better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
