Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
