can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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