Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
