Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
