You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
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