with your own penis?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
