Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
