My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
